Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
