Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
should my penis look like a turkey
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
