so explain again why im purple
no
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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