You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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