conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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