barbara walters just said penis...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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