I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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