listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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