Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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