Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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