we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
