The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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