so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
