She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
