Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
