Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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