DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
