I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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