How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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