Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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