Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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