That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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