The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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