i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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