she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
