Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize