you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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