Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
