There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
