Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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