You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
