so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
