i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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