Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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