Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
