you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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