The maid of honor just puked.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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