Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
