i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
