Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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