So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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