I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need water and some morals
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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