Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
