why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
