Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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