Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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