sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
