you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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