I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
