Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize