I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
