upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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