Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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