If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
