I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
