I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
