I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize