I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
