THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
