She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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