Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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