idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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