What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
