Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just pee around me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The struggles of a small town man whore
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
