PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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