I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
