I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
