Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
