I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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