if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
