Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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