his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i came on her dog
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
