Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
