I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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