So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
