Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
