Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
