And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
