I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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