Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
