Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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