508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
