me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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