Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
