He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize