This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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