my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
