Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
