It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
