so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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